Don’t have Weddings.

Sometimes you just don’t have the juice. A lack of sunlight in the morning can be a real juice-sapper. In any case I struggled once again with what to write today, I guess I shouldn’t have been so quick to move on from talking about myself. I could have just let that story drag and drag and drag for weeks, giving you a daily play-by-play of literally everything that happened to me in the last 2 years. What a bloody bore that would have been. Nevermind all that then, I guess I will continue with my handbook on weathering the economic shit-storm that trust me, we have yet to feel.

Now, when I say don’t have Weddings, I don’t actually mean it. I just mean don’t have THOSE weddings. You know THOSE weddings…the ones where there are over 500 people and you spend a small fortune. Trust me folks, the fact that your seven hundredth cousin twice removed won’t be making the big day, is no big deal. The reason I really want us to tone these events down, is not just because they can become extremely expensive (although that is a big factor), it’s because the couple involved at the center of the whole thing gain little to no real-life advantages out of the damn thing. Don’t get me wrong, I had a wedding myself, and it was really nice, especially the fact that we had to change venues at the last minute, making the whole affair pretty spontaneous. I’m actually glad my wedding went very, very off-plan. I imagine the whole affair would have been extremely boring if literally everything went according to plan. This way it was filled with much more excitement, trepidation and ultimately happiness as it all worked out in the end. All that being said though, I’m sure you are all wondering how many people were at my wedding. It was 300 people, although if it were up to me it would have been much less. 300 though is considered a pretty small wedding in Egypt, and I would have personally been overwhelmed if it were any bigger than that.

What I originally wanted was a small wedding by the beach with maybe 100 people max, obviously that was not going to happen, because there is no stronger force in Egypt than the unrelenting locomotive that is the concept(!) of tradition. The reason why I say concept is because that is really what we believe in. We believe that we should follow tradition, but pay little to no regard as to what tradition actually means, or where it came from. Some traditions should be followed, some should be learnt from, but not repeated, and some should be forgotten. Tradition is nothing more than the supposed values of a previous era or generation. It has no real purpose in life, other than to show us what our ancestors or elders valued and what they found to be most important. Tradition does NOT dictate however, that you have to spend hundreds of thousands of pounds on a 6 hour event, because you simply have to invite everyone and put them all in the nicest ballroom in all the universe with the best food and the open bar tucked away in a corner, for all the young people and the cool old ones.

Now this is not to say that I do not value the importance of seeing ones family and friends during important periods in one’s life. I think that is long lasting tradition that is extremely important and is something that holds communities together. But if you have ever been married in Egypt you also know that all the people that matter will be visiting you in your new home (something I will also talk about later) after or before your wedding, rendering the custom of inviting all the humans who have ever heard of you, more than slightly pointless. Now, more than ever it is time for us to grow up, and start being smarter with our money. My proposed plan for everyone out there planning a wedding or who will be in the future is this:

1. Take the budget you have planned for the whole affair, and take out 75% of it.
2. Use the remaining 25% on a classy dinner/event for 50-100 people maximum.
3. Give the remaining 75% to the couple, who will use that money to start their new life.
4. The honeymoon also comes out of that 75%, and the couple plan it using whatever amount the deem appropriate (If they are smart it will not be much, and they will honeymoon somewhere in Egypt because going abroad is now frankly, ludicrous).

There is nothing at all shameful about the above plan is there? Does it anger our ancestors immeasurably? Will our great grandparents be rolling in their tombs (we use tombs in Egypt, how cool is that!) because the entire gene pool was not in one place at the same time for 6 hours. I don’t think so. This way the couple get a good start to their new life with the money you would have frankly wasted on your now very expensive tradition.

Most young couples like myself who I talk to want a small wedding, but it is their parents who force the huge affair. Well I am happy to inform the young generation, that with a full blown collapse on Egypt’s economic horizon, hopefully weddings are about to get a whole lot smaller.

Be smart. Don’t have (huge) weddings.

More (after)tomorrow.

Don’t buy Cars

I woke up this morning to the sound of pouring rain on the window above my bed. The sound had a trance-like effect which put me back to sleep for another 2 hours. It’s really very relaxing to feel nature trying to break into your house but failing at every attempt. In any case, in my lethargy I struggled to decide on a topic for the blog today, mostly because I was finally done talking about myself. From now on you can expect little to no chatter about myself and more of my general musings and thoughts on a variety of different things. I struggled today until I found my good friends over at PeaceCake had come out with another video for their Careem campaign. If you don’t know what Careem, it is a company similar to Uber, and In my opinion is much better. Their campaign is actually a very clever one and discusses a very important issue we have in Cairo, while also making a compelling case for using Careem. You can check out their video here:

Careem Campaign

The important issue the campaign addresses, and that I will be addressing now, is that of traffic. Cairo traffic is an absolute nightmare as I’m sure you all know. But what you might not have thought about it that the nightmare is actually just beginning. Thanks to our governments systematic incapability of doing anything right ever, we have been blessed with the deadly combination of having very expensive cars along with terrible roads, that pretty soon will not be able to accommodate us all. My only proposed solution to this is to ban auto sales for the next 5 years. No new cars for anyone. Want a car? Buy a used car. This proposed solution, along with a substantial increase in the amount of buses and bus lanes (as if) could potentially make life transiting Cairo’s streets alot easier. Unfortunately, due to the nature of capitalism, and the inherent corruption that is so rampant in our country, a measure like this or anything like it, will never happen. That’s why I want to ask for your help.

Don’t buy cars. And especially (and pay attention to this one) don’t buy your kid’s any cars either. Just FYI not buying cars is just the first on my list of the things you should NOT buy your kids, a list I will be expanding on in the next few days. My opinions on this were already well established before our government finally decided to step out of its denial/incompetence and regulate the economy properly, resulting in a dramatic drop in the EGP. Now this is especially more important, in order to weather this economic storm, we have to give up all (or most) of the luxuries that we have given ourselves, along with the traditions that our culture has created. This includes buying cars for you and your family. I want you to know that I am speaking as someone who was unfortunately given alot of things in life. Things that I didn’t really need to function as a happy, healthy human being, and yet tradition dictated that I must be given them. I will talk about these one by one in the coming days but the first of these was in fact a car. A car that I have every intention of selling very soon because at this point, I honesty prefer Careem. But also because I believe that we have to many cars on Cairo’s roads, and that in just 5 short years, this whole city will become a parking lot.

Don’t get me wrong though, the cars are not the only problem, it’s the amount of people as well. Cairo is grossly overpopulated and this has exacerbated the traffic problem. But we have not helped the traffic situation by compulsively buying cars for all the human beings our women happen to expel. It’s time we put a stop to all of that foolishness. Let your children buy their own god damn cars when they can afford them. And even then hopefully they will decide that it’s not worth their time, money and effort. In all likelihood though, with prices skyrocketing and the government still taxing cars for their own gain, they will never be able to afford cars and this problem will fix itself.

Another thing that is not helping the situation, is the fact that we have enabled all German cars to become our personal trophies. Those cars are too expensive as it is, and will now become even more obscene. If you must have your BMW, then for the love of all that is holy, do not keep upgrading to the newest model every year. It is a tragic consequence of capitalism, that companies are allowed to create more and more products without regard for the economic consequences. This addiction to constantly growing profits is both harmful to the psyche of our businessmen and the stability of the economy. It is a complete tragedy that our country has been run with the sole focus of increasing profits for a select few, instead of focusing on the needs of the many. But we are in possibly the worst kind of capitalist system. One that is rampant with corruption, incompetence, denial and little regard for economic stability.

On top of all that, imagine the financial ruin we would all be in if the city entered a phase of gridlock the likes of which we have never seen. In any case, we can all help by starting with a very small adjustment to our lives.

Don’t buy cars.

More tomorrow.

Surgery

3 days. In case you were wondering what the answer to the question: How long before this whole blog thing becomes more troublesome than you thought? Its 3 days. Why troublesome? Because suddenly your thoughts are out there and you have to keep adding to them like a deranged loon somewhat capable of coherent sentences. Jokes on you though I don’t actually think anything I write on here. That’s right, this is just a complete waste of my time and yours. It is Saturday though so I’m feeling Ultra-Crabby today. I should probably take the weekends off from blogging, I quite like the sound of that. But I signed off yesterdays with ‘More on that tomorrow’, so to not post today would make me less than honorable and I do not want that. On to our previous topic.

2 minutes. That’s the amount of time it takes to go from relief to have found the correct doctor and course of action, to absolute fear that you have to have surgery. In 2 minutes all the doubts I had about my needing surgery come flooding back. ‘You don’t actually have sleep apnea, you’re just really lazy’. ‘You made it all up, you’re crazy, you know this’. Suddenly it was all in my head again, every single part of me that was so sure I had a problem that needed fixing, evaporated. Gone. Just like that. That’s the power of fear. It can make you think the most ridiculous things, not matter how much evidence you have in front of you. Even my mother (a fantastic woman by the way #top5alltime) had to confirm with Dr. Ashraf that I actually need this surgery. To which he replied ‘yes’. Unfortunately for her, and me I suppose, there is still the possibility that he himself is a super demon with infinitely better acting skills than the one that preceded him. He could have realized the minute I walked through the door that he was going to play into my delusional sleep apnea narrative to make his money. I guess we will never know.

It was not the post-surgery process I was dreading, although that was very weird. And it wasn’t the amount of people who would undoubtedly see my penis under the flimsy hospital gown. Which was 2 by the way, I’m pretty sure my father and the nurse who was readying me before the operation got a look. It was all very awkward. But my fear came from the knowledge that I would be put under. Under with the possibility of staying there forever.

I’m not being melodramatic, it’s really how I think. Everything in life is down to probabilities. And I do NOT like increasing the risk of any harm to myself unless I really need to. And so the probability of dying during surgery is quite naturally higher than that probability when not undergoing surgery. That is a fact my brain does not and will not ever accept in a calm way. Even though I knew my chances of dying from the anesthetic or from sudden catastrophic nose trauma were pretty slim, they were still higher than 0%.

On top of all that, the thought of being made unconscious really did not sit well with me. By all means if you’re going to slice my nose open and break it apart just to put it back together again, put me under. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to like it. The anesthesia they gave me began to kick in just as I entered the surgery room, where a nurse flirted with me in some vague way, to which I replied ‘No, I’m married unfortunately‘.

After the surgery all the pain is in your throat. It’s basically all filled up with blood and mucus, which prompted me to start hurling up buckets of the stuff while my wife rushed to the bathroom to do more of the same. I don’t remember much of the post surgery period which lasted around 2/3 weeks. All I know is the first few days were the hardest on my wife especially. But she pulled me through and got through it herself god bless her.

The funniest moment after surgery was the first time I took the bandages off my nose and looked in the mirror. Dr. Ashraf was smiling and repeating the word swollen. I was barely registering that though and when I saw myself in the mirror it was quite a shock. I looked like a cartoon character because my face had no depth. My face was very swollen on either side of my nose so I looked like a character straight out of Bobs Burgers. Couple that with the psychological thunderstorm of suddenly having a different face and it all made for pretty fun times.

Thankfully though, I made it through the whole process and had a shiny new nose for all my troubles. Although my nose had been severely crooked for most of my life, it was now straight. A side effect that I was expecting, but was not as important as restoring its ability to inhale and exhale air at a relatively lively rate. And after taking off all the bandages and finally being able to breathe through both nostrils properly, I can tell you it was one of the best feelings I had ever had.

It was not nearly as good however, as that first night of REM sleep. Something I had not realized, or had forgotten, was that a side effect of my sleep apnea was a severe and constant lack of dreams. Every night was silent and every morning was anxious. The day I woke up feeling more rested than I can remember and with the first dream in years still fresh on my mind, is probably going to be in my top 10 days ever for the rest of my life. Right now it’s in my top 5 for sure, but I’m accounting for a whole lifetime here so I had to be realistic.

Anyway, that’s enough from me today. Time to watch Arsenal hopefully mutilate Man UTD (no jinx intended). Tomorrow is Sunday, which is still a weekend where I currently am. Still unsure if I will be blogging tomorrow. So I guess I’ll sign off like this:

More on that tomorrow?

Good Night’s Sleep

hhhrnph. Groggy. Very groggy. Where was I? Idiot Doctor that’s right. Let’s call him Idiot#1 (there are more idiots to come). After realizing that the surgeon who operated on me at 12 years of age had basically become a soul-less money guzzling super demon, I had to find someone else. And in that effort  I suppose the super-demon (I thought he was Idiot#1?) helped me establish a new focus. I decided that I would not choose my doctor based on anything other than my personal reading of him. Not what he tells me, not what sounds better, but what I honestly thought of him during our meetings.

In order to do that I would have to have a very high level of social and emotional awareness, or in easier terms, I would have to be really good at reading people. Thankfully this was a skill I had already acquired. Being a chubby geeky gamer and classic introvert I spent the majority of my life on the edge of rooms looking in. That meant that I have probably spent more time observing humans than interacting with them. I’m not entirely sure if that is a statement that is at all unique, this must be true for most people after a certain period of time. But I mean that growing up, I was the quiet thinker in the corner of the room, who occasionally became the class clown, usually during Arabic class.

In any case, you will just have to trust that I am a good judge of other people’s emotions and have a high level of social awareness. Except with my family, for some reason with loved ones your methods of deduction tend to go a little haywire and are replaced with confusion. This tends to become a fixable problem as you often re-calibrate and achieve proper social interaction after a brief period of overload. But this is about the doctor. The second doctor I visited was exceptionally younger than Idiot#1 (I now prefer super-demon :/) this gave me hope, because I knew that a younger doctor meant that he was more up to date with the latest medical practices. What I overlooked was that this guy was taught by the super demon himself. This doctor looked at my scans and told me that my septum was indeed deviated severely, and that my interior turbinates were too large. He argued that the turbinates were the real cause of my sleep apnea and breathing troubles (just like the super demon!). He said he didn’t recommend surgery on the septum because ‘it might damage the septum if it was operated on before’.

It wasn’t his argument that I called bullshit on (even though it was a classic Egyptian doctor tactic of suggesting possible danger to convince you of another course of action), it was the way he said it. Just like the super demon this man was not a great actor. When I asked him again why he only wanted to operate on the turbinates and not on the septum, he gave the reply above, but squinched (thats not a word) his face inwards and looked down and a little to the left. Averting his gaze. Brow furrowed because he knew he was being less than truthful. Not gonna fool me bro. In reality Idiot#2 wanted (you guessed it) MONEY!!! Surgery money!!! And what a beautiful thing money is, but he wasn’t getting mine.

It wasn’t just the fact that he was obviously lying, I also just didn’t like the odds he gave me. He said without operating on my septum he could restore my breathing to 60%.  What a pitiful number to throw at me. If he’s going to lie he should have at least bumped it up to 75% or 80%. It sounds better and I would never be able to argue malpractice over a presumably lost 20%. What a chump. That was that for Idiot#2. Unfortunately Doctor #3 ( I don’t want to call him and idiot because he’s the oldest one and he’s a nice man) was not much better, but he gave me breathing room. He argued that there was nothing wrong with the surgery performed on my septum, and that my problem was purely allergies. I begrudgingly decided to try his allergy medication, while simultaneously sending my scans to the good old USA to be examined, using a website called Second Opinions. Idiot#2 had already confirmed to me what Google had told me, that septum surgery at such a young age is wrong. The nose tends to keep growing and reverse itself back to being deviated. This was obviously what had happened to me over the last few years. When I told Doctor#3 this, he made the sort of sound you make when you’re not sure if you want a third(!) piece of cake. Something like a ‘eeh’.

But you see, I understood his predicament. He was old enough to have made that mistake hundreds of times before the medical community realized you shouldn’t operate on kids. He was probably so upset to learn that, he decided to refute it, to pretend as if those findings didn’t exist, or were at the very least debatable. I understood that kind of defense mechanism, I really did. But what worried me was the middle class family I saw waiting to go in after me. For them an error on their doctors part could cost them everything. They could spend all they have for something that doesn’t heal them at all. Most people in Egypt trust their doctor. If he wants to lead them away  from a certain procedure because  it doesn’t involve HIM doing the surgery, or making the money, he often succeeds. That was what was happening in my case, the Ear Nose Throat guys wanted to keep the business (ME) to themselves, instead of referring me to the proper surgeon for my condition.

When the scans came back from the USA they confirmed what I had been suspecting:

1: My nose was absolutely destroyed

2: It definitely was NOT allergies

3: I needed a plastic surgeon.

That’s right folks, I had to get a nose job. A Functional Rhinoplasty they call it. It was a procedure so complex that only a plastic surgeon could properly perform. I realized then that I was being duped. Definitely by the super-demon and Idiot#2. It was in their interest to operate on me, so they told me that’s what should happen. Instead of referring me to a plastic surgeon so I could get that 100% improvement.

In any case, long story short(?) I found a great plastic surgeon on a website called What Clinic (What an important website!). He had the highest ratings on the site and I trusted my gut. 5 stars is 5 stars. He gave me the same diagnosis as the folks in the USA without me telling him what they said. He was also very honest and clear with me, and once he passed those tests I knew he was the guy. His name is Dr. Ashraf AbolFotooh and you can see his clinic profile here:

Dr. Ashraf’s Clinic

That my friends, is the full story of how I successfully achieved my goal of finally having a good night’s sleep for the first time in years. But how did the surgery go? How did that process feel? How many people saw your penis under that flimsy hospital gown? How many nurses did you flirt with while drifting off under anesthesia?

More on that tomorrow.

Oversleeping

Morning! Or should I say afternoon. I want to expand on the reason I said I was doing this blog yesterday, which was to get my life in order. The method by which I am hoping this blog will do that is based on an article I read 2 days ago, which I believe is both very true and deeply troubling:

Goals vs Systems

The article discusses the difference between setting goals and developing and establishing systems. It argues that goals are ultimately not as useful to your long term plans as systems can be. I found myself agreeing whole heartedly and naturally began to resent the writer of the article, who had basically made me acknowledge that life cannot be a day to day chaotic roller-coaster that we ‘artists’ like it to be. There is a temptation among us (young) artsy-fartsy types to believe that any art or inspiration is mana from heaven. It strikes when you least expect it but when it does it is pure, honest, and divine. The reality could not be farther from the truth, what some of my artistic brethren fail to comprehend is that you require a great deal of preparation in order to achieve inspiration. In any case I decided once and for all to establish a system for myself, something that can help me achieve the things I want, but by first committing to a way of life.

Enter this blog. The first thing I will do, every morning, from now until I have nothing left to say, is to write and post this blog. Not because the world needs more bloggers, but because I need to start my day with a quick 1000 words every day to get the juices flowing. If I want to be a successful writer and couldn’t bang out a quick 1000 when I wake up then I would have a serious problem on my hands. I’ve actually just realized that I’ve dug myself into a rather troublesome hole. 1000 words is alot…I didn’t have to mention that at all, and could have just posted whatever number of words I wanted every day and no one would notice or care as to the length. It’s alright I’ll just remember to delete this section at the end.

Anyway back to our topic and that is systems! MY new system involves writing this blog first thing, then working on another writing project (more on that later), then going to the gym, then coming back and making lunch for my wife, then doing more work until around 9 pm, at which point I will play video games for 5 hours until 2 am. Now I know that some of you will be thinking that this blog just got way less interesting. This (self-aware) fool is going to waste 5 hours a night gaming? WHY?! It’s simple really, and another integral part of my system. I have had the goal for quite some time now, of starting a YouTube channel revolving around my gaming adventures. That goal however was not any closer to being achieved, until I realized that to make gaming videos, you have to be really, really good at the games you are playing. That means putting in alot of work into it, just like any other craft. In this day and age, being a gamer can actually be a valuable skill. The amount of money in the industry has exploded in the last few years. Professional gamers make millions, YouTube gamers make millions, the companies, billions. In any case, it seemed like a no-brainer for me to start producing high quality gaming content (don’t you just hate that word). Add to that the fact that in 2013 I spent alot of time developing gaming content for a startup (which I left after a year) and this became something of an old enemy I just needed to finally vanquish. So that is the daily system I have planned for myself. Now on to the irony.

This system was planned for a 10am wake up time. With the blog being posted at the 11/12 range. Today however, I did not wake up until around 12:30, which has the devastating effect of pushing all my other tasks too throughout the day. If I persist at the pre-determined schedule I would go to bed at 4 am! To the very observant reader, you must be wondering, why did you even wake up at 12:30? You must have gone to bed pretty late yesterday. To you I say: very well done but keep it down so the rest of the class can figure it out on their own. Yes fine I admit I went to bed at 4am yesterday, chiefly because I just don’t know where the time goes but also because systems do not account for staying up watching Gilmore Girls with your wife. I don’t have sleep apnea anymore, but you can see why it took me a while to realize that I did. I will now have to figure out a way to wake up at 10 am tomorrow, story of my life, but thankfully now it is through no fault other than my own.

Which brings us back to sleep apnea. After finally deciding that I really really had a real illness that was very REAL. I needed to go to a good nose doctor. A little history is required here. When I was 7 I broke my nose rather severely at the Gouna clubhouse (queue my upper class guilt/shame). At 12 I had corrective surgery for the deviated septum, although the surgeon said that he couldn’t fix the shape of the nose from the outside because that would require plastic surgery, which he couldn’t perform until I was 18. Now 24, I went to this very same surgeon again, who took a quick look at my nose and assured me that my septum was not the problem, and asked me to x-ray my sinuses instead. I did what the good doctor asked and went back to him. I then watched in amazement as he picked up an xray sheet, discarded the other two, and gleefully pointed at a region of my nose and said ‘There! You see how this part is too big? You need surgery!’. In that moment I was amazed not because I needed surgery, but because this (very high profile) doctor had lost all touch with humanity. He seemed a very different animal to the one I knew at 12, I remember him being kind and humble. Now a big shot, all he cared about was the next check, and that meant the next surgery. He didn’t care how the patients felt, he didn’t tell them the need for surgery in a calming or even medical way. He almost boasted about it. AT ME. THE GUY WHO NEEDS THE DAMN SURGERY. What an idiot. I knew instantly, that I had to find someone else, and fast.

 

More on that tomorrow.

Good Morning Internet

How’s it going? You all right? Glad to hear it. I’m fine by the way, thanks for asking. For those of you who do not know me, I am a 20 something Egyptian Male with a degree in Political Science from our very own American University in Cairo. Why political science you ask? At the time it was because I liked reading history and the one course I had taken in that subject offered plenty of that, so I thought why not just major in the damn thing, I’ve got nothing better to do. Fast forward 4 years and I’m still kicking myself that AUC had a FILM MAJOR  I knew nothing about. But in any case, there’s no point crying over spilt milk, although I do love me some milk so spilling it isn’t something I go around doing on the regular, that would be a tremendous waste that would surely get me a slap from the wife. Oh yeah, I’m also married. And yes, she is VERY abusive, it’s probably the reason I’ve started this blog, to try and seek help because there’s nowhere else for the pain to go. More on that later. But in all seriousness, the real reason I decided to start this daily blog is to get my god damn life on track. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a twitter-less hobo, I get shit done from time to time, it’s just the length of time between the first ‘time’ and the second ‘time’ that are an issue at the moment. Although trust me, it used to be much worse back in the old sleep apnea days.

Sleep apnea is terrible, if you have never had it, it basically feels like suffocating every night before you go to bed, sometimes for hours, before waking up having achieved little to no measurable rest whatsoever. Your brain never resets because you get negligible REM sleep and you continue a zombie-ish existence until you finally become so tired one day you sleep the biologically required 12(!) hours your body actually needs of sleep while breathing through one nostril. For over a year, maybe two (its tough to remember when things like this START), I persisted in this hellish existence, before finally thinking to myself, maybe there’s something not quite right. But I’m not one to rush into things, so I naturally took 6 months of self examination and assessment of my sleeping situation before I confirmed that there was indeed something quite wrong. The first dead giveaway is the super-breaths I found myself taking every night during my attempted sleep. Basically because my nose was incapable of filling up my lungs with a serviceable quantity of air, my mouth would have to step in, usually when I’m in Stage 1 of sleep (the one where it feels like you’re still awake), with a monstrous, alarming, yet ultimately life-saving gasp for air. This always had the helpful side-effect of pulling me right out of sleep and back to the realms of the very, very much awake. But it doesn’t stop there! If by some miracle, you actually succeed and fall asleep, the gasps just keep on coming, this time preventing you from reaching REM sleep during the night. I knew this was happening because I also had the charming side effect of finding myself falling asleep at strange times during the day (as well as being generally fatigued ALL the time). But the question was, how do I monitor this?

I had two options, one was to go to a sleep clinic. The second (and the one I chose) was to rely on a Smartphone app that supposedly measures your sleep and what stages of sleep you are in. Now I know what you are thinking, why not just go to a sleep clinic and have it properly tested, why rely on an app when you could have a definitive answer in one night. Well I’m glad you asked. The quick and simple answer is that the idea of going to a sleep clinic freaked me out to no end. I had developed over the years a distinct and measurable paranoia towards my fellow man (more on that later), and the thought of going to bed in a strange room where I would be monitored throughout the night was too creepy for my taste. Also I couldn’t escape the feeling that on that one night, my nose would for some reason decide to function properly, and I would be doomed to live a sleep apnea filled existence having been given a less than certain ‘all clear’ from Cairo Sleep Center. I realize the cynics among you must be thinking what a fool I am, rest assured I am with you on this one. I learned from a young age that my foolishness is not in my control, I was born with it, I live with it and I will die with it, so I have learnt to accept it. The App (Sleep Cycle on IOS) told me the following consistently in a 2 week period: For the first 7 hours of my sleep I would be in stages 1-4, and I would reach REM sleep at the 7th hour. This made immeasurable sense to me, because I had attempted to sleep 8 hours and overslept several times over the past year, so much so that it became something of a traumatic experience for me, waking up to find myself already late for whatever it was I was supposed to be doing, or whomever it was I was supposed to be meeting. So while the app was not a doctor, or a sleep center or an omniscient being from the 7th(!) dimension, it made sense. Alot of sense. Enough sense for me to embark on my next course of action.

More on that tomorrow!