When my brain finally had the advantage of REM sleep to wipe out the cobwebs that had been built up over the preceding years, dreaming was not the only side effect. Far from it in fact, after all I did not go through surgery just to re-gain that ability. Although in a way I suppose I did, for with my dreams came the real benefit of REM sleep. My overall thinking and functioning and energy levels improved dramatically, and with it I felt a renewed sense of purpose, clarity and thought. In a rather hilarious moment, I remember having a conversation with my wife a month or so after my surgery, in which I finished 3 different conversations I had left unfinished over the preceding year. What I mean when I say that, is that in my exhaustion my mind would come to a point of stagnation, where new thoughts are not possible. The soil is simply not fertile enough to bloom. There were no more fish in the sea or birds in the sky. I covered all 3 types of land there so the metaphor should really stick. Point being that I would often have to sacrifice certain thoughts in favor of others. My brain could only handle a certain number of things a day, and even then it frequently let me down. The processing time and hard disk space were at all time low. This, coupled with constant fatigue made things unpleasant. What developed in that time was a monthly cycle of depression. I would work myself up into a positive enough space to get out there and do as much work as I could, before collapsing at home for at least a week every month. As a result of this, there were a few conversations or issues I had to deal with, that I had pushed to the back of my mind, and waited for my subconscious to figure out. I was however blindsided by the fact that my subconsious was all backed up. It was not until a month after my surgery that the things I remembered I wanted to talk about with my wife came flooding back, complete with answers and conclusions I could not formulate before.
It was both alarming and amazing at the same time. Alarming because I realized just how low I must have been functioning before, and amazing because effective honest communication had been achieved again. Another moment that had a similar effect was at a Friday lunch with my family, where they all commented on how energetic and lively I seemed post-surgery. I didn’t register anything accept happiness at the time, that they saw a difference in me, it validated all the decisions I had made until that point. But afterword’s that happiness was replaced with a deep sense of sorrow. I wondered to myself, just how much had I fallen? How bad must it have been, that my whole family felt the effect, and subsequently the difference after the fact? It was a cathartic moment, as I felt intense pain and relief, for it was the second, and final justification, along with my dreams, that this was all real and not just a fantasy I created in my head. That, I’m glad to say, is where my sleep apnea story ends. And thank god for that.
It was in this vibrant post-surgical world that I fell in love with notebook’s for the first time. I had always had notebooks but my relationship with them was purely business. I usually used them for school or work and I hated the damn things, they were never where I expected them to be and never had anything in them I cared about. But after a few years of unfulfilled, unrealized thoughts, I took to the idea of writing my ideas down constantly. I never wanted to have a thought and not finish it ever again, and so I began the process of taking notes. Before I could begin that however I had to find the notebook in itself. And that did not take long as most stationary shops have this particular brand in stock, and I can I assure you all that there is no better notebook manufacturer on God’s mostly blue earth, than RHODIA. God damn these things are beautiful, they open with grace and close with dignity. Their pages invite you to pour your words into them and you do, effortlessly. This is made even more effortless with the help of the best pen ever made. I am talking, of course, about the Uniball Eye Fine. What a piece of precision engineering that thing is. Seriously though, it is a marvelous pen if you write fast and want your hand to glide across the page like a seasoned wizard.
With these two tools at my disposal, I began chronicling my every thought, and still do to this day. Although occasionally I’ll use a note app on my phone if I happen to be out of the house or away from my notebooks. The reason being that I simply cannot stand the thought of having an idea and forgetting it. Especially not after what I had already experienced. I wanted to take advantage of my now fully functioning brain and make sure to keep track of everything I think about. The downside of this is that I now of course have way too many notes, and have to spend alot of time sifting through them. I am however very comfortable with the knowledge that all my very best (and worst) ideas they are at least within my grasp.
Finally a little update on what we did today. We woke up, had coffee, a muffin and a sandwich at Starbucks, and went to see Dr. Strange. I won’t spoil anything in the film, but if you want to see it without anyone else’s opinion going through your mind, stop reading now.
My initial reaction is that its good. They overdid that environmental kaleidoscope effect in my opinion, but I can forgive that. Solid performance by the Batch and the rest of the crew, and I have to say Dr. Strange himself instantly became one of the more intriguing marvel superheroes to me. Overall, I give this film a solid B+/A- depending on my mood.
That was the reason I kept you all waiting on the blog today, we woke up with just enough time to get a cup of coffee and make the 3pm show. I will still post on Sundays, just not in the wee hours of the morning (as if I’ve ever done that anyway).
More on other things tomorrow.
NoteWorthy 